Developing Socially -Conscious Kids
On the 50th (!) episode of Why Care? I had the pleasure of a conversation with bestselling children’s author, Robin Stevens, best known for her internationally renowned Murder Most Unladylike series. In the episode, Robin shares the personal experiences that influence her writing, how her neurodivergence and lived experiences have shaped the stories she tells, and how stories can help young readers navigate the tricky topics of identity and belonging.
While Robin and I delved deep into how literature shapes the thinking patterns of our little ones, it is also interesting to pull back and consider the image as a whole.
How can we give our children the best grounding at navigating their surroundings? How can we raise socially-conscious children who celebrate themselves and those around them?
Why would being socially-conscious improve my child's wellbeing?
Beyond fostering inclusion, this awareness enhances their own wellbeing by helping them develop emotional intelligence, and to approach challenges with a well-rounded, open-minded perspective.
Often, children begin absorbing social norms before they even understand what they mean. From media to peer interactions, the messages they receive shape their perspectives on race, gender roles, and careers available and not available to them. However, many of us as parents may hesitate to address these topics directly for fear of saying the wrong thing or introducing ideas our children aren't ready for. Yet the truth is, children will encounter these issues one way or another—either through experience or exposure. Actively providing them early on with an informed foundation ensures they develop the critical thinking skills needed to navigate the world as best as possible. So, what actionable steps can we take to achieve this?
Teach empathy
Teaching empathy is a tricky business, particularly for children, as the part of their brain that deals with their emotions (amygdala) finishes developing much later than the part that makes rational decisions (prefrontal cortex). This means they are more driven by their immediate emotions and less able to think through how their actions might affect others. Therefore it is helpful to frame thought-provoking questions through the lens of their own feelings: ‘How would being spoken to like this make you feel?’, or ‘Does this make you happy? Can you do the same thing to make x feel happy too?’. It’s important to reinforce that kindness isn’t just about being ‘nice’ - it’s about being considerate of the effects of their actions. This sometimes means, however, that what feels ‘good’ isn't always the best guide to what is right, particularly when we begin to consider others too; maintaining a nuanced approach is pivotal.
Normalise discomfort and critical thinking
Discussing complex issues like fairness and justice can be uncomfortable, but it’s important to normalise that discomfort as part of the learning process. Adults can reassure children that it’s okay to feel uneasy when learning about difficult topics. Encouraging open-ended discussions where children are invited to form and trust their own judgments rather than just receive answers, more effectively promotes growth. For example:
‘It’s okay if this feels a little uncomfortable. These are big topics, and it’s normal to not have all the answers right away,' or
‘Why do you think some kids get to do things that others can’t?’, or
‘What do you think makes things fair or unfair?’
Although we are bringing their attention gently to the pain of others, this allows them to question and become aware of the existence of alternative realities to their own, and not always prioritise feeling good as a guide for what's right to do. Often, we must be aware of the painful feelings in order to address and change them.
Talk about equity in age-appropriate ways
Children have an inherent sense of fairness, making it easier to introduce concepts of equity (over equality) and justice. Adults can explain complex topics in simple terms, such as saying, ‘Some people start with more advantages, so we help to make things fair.’ There are often opportunities to create dialogue when children come home saying ‘I only play with the girls, I don’t like boys’ or, what I was horrified my 3 year old said a while back, ‘I can’t do that, I’m a girl’. Whilst personally challenging in the moment, these are opportunities to explore the topic with curiosity. In line with the episode, reading stories about different communities of people is an effective way for children to connect with others. These stories bring characters to life and help children see that even though people may have different experiences, their feelings and challenges can be similar to their own.
How can Avenir help?
At Avenir, we offer an Inclusive Leadership Programme, which provides you with the support and guidance you need to foster constructive, efficient, people-first workplaces. We also have our Leading with Cultural Intelligence workshop to help understand the complexity of what culture means and how to navigate culture-critical conversations.
My new book, Beyond Discomfort: Why inclusive leadership is so hard (and what you can do about it) is also a valuable tool for learning how to harness discomfort as a catalyst for positive change and greater returns. You can get your hands on a copy of the book here. It is also available as an audiobook to listen to on the go.