How Real Is Your Reality?
Realising our brains may have a warped idea of what is ‘real’ is an uncomfortable feeling so we naturally try to ignore questioning ourselves. How real is your reality?
In a special bonus episode of Why Care?, I had the privilege of a compelling and colourful conversation with the wonderful Blair Imani, historian, educator, author of Read This to Get Smarter, and known for her viral ‘Smarter in Seconds’ digital series. We touch on the importance of storytelling in social justice, Blair’s personal activism, and the prevalence of wildly inaccurate historical narratives. This got me thinking about what other narratives and ‘myths’ have crept upon us, taken stronghold, and don’t necessarily reflect the full truth - not just in history (though there are many of those), but even in the office.
Everyone loves a simple story
Living in binary is appealing. Clear narratives help us make sense of the world around us. Categorising people and events makes our brain feel comfortable and in control, as we tend to avoid grey areas. For example, as children, we grew up believing in an unambiguous ‘bad’ villain and a ‘good’ hero in every story, only to realise as we mature that people - and indeed, the binaries of good and bad - are not so clear-cut. Yet, often the same nuanced approach isn't applied to many of the narratives we adopt, especially when we lack a balanced source of information.
Rethink these ideas:
In the corporate world there are many myths which may not reflect an informed truth, but are easy to fall into.
‘Hard work alone leads to success.’
This idea, while containing some truth, overlooks many others. The phrase ‘hard work’ itself is so ambiguous that it’s impossible to quantify. Is a 12-hour office shift harder than 4 hours of intense physical labour? Beyond that, the approach oversimplifies the different challenges faced by different people. For example, a parent may return home to additional duties that aren’t necessarily labeled as ‘work,’ but are just as demanding, if not more so. Or, two people may produce the same output but still receive varying degrees of recognition and ‘success’ due to external factors related to how their colleagues perceive them.
‘Talking about race, gender or privilege is divisive’ OR ‘I don’t see colour.’
At first glance, this approach seems logical. Treating everyone equally sounds like the best route to equality, right? Again, it’s a harmful oversimplification. A key aspect of inclusive leadership is personalising our approaches to suit the unique needs of different people. For example, we might know that one team member produces their best work in groups, while another works best independently, so we adjust our approach accordingly. The same applies to personal identities. For instance, a female colleague might benefit from flexible working during her monthly cycle. Treating her the same as a male colleague in this instance doesn’t promote equality, but rather disadvantages her. As I say in my book Beyond Discomfort: ‘Not seeing colour is like saying to someone in a wheelchair: “I don't see wheels”’ But that means you haven't considered how they move around in the world, the challenges they face and how it's historically been used against them.'
These are some examples, but there are countless more. It is always worth looking inwards and question beliefs that we haven’t held up to the light.
How do we tackle narratives that aren’t wholly accurate?
Even though changing our beliefs has a big impact, the steps are quite simple. Ask yourself the following questions:
Am I open to accepting that the reality my brain perceives might not be complete?
If so, why might I be resistant to the alternative?
Have I discussed X idea with a variety of people (with different social identifiers) that may/ may not disagree/ agree with me?
Self-reflection is one of the most powerful tools in the toolboxes of successful leaders - exploit it!
How can Avenir help?
At Avenir, we offer an Inclusive Leadership Programme, which provides you with the support and guidance you need to foster inclusive workplaces. We also have our Leading with Cultural Intelligence workshop to help understand the complexity of what culture means and how to navigate culture-critical conversations.
My new book, Beyond Discomfort: Why inclusive leadership is so hard (and what you can do about it) is also an invaluable tool for learning how to harness discomfort as a catalyst for positive change and greater returns. You can get your hands on a copy of the book here. It is also available as an audiobook to listen to on the go.